It’s not a new scenario, but it might be new to you.
You’ve discovered that your partner has been unfaithful. Rather than shout it from the rooftops, you sweep the hurtful secret under the rug and hope it stays there.
Why is this such a common defense mechanism for partners who have been cheated on? From the outside looking in, it makes little sense. Though, there is a reason why the strategy of “turning a blind eye” appeals to a betrayed partner.
You’re Not in Tune with Your Intuition
You’ve likely heard someone tell you to go with your gut when faced with a difficult decision.
This has proven to be easier said than done. Many people fail to harbor a genuine connection to their emotions or sensations they feel inside.
In terms of why women ignore it when their partners cheat, it’s that they simply don’t pay attention to the red flags. More than anything, you often don’t recognize an emotion for what it is.
All along, you could be feeling something, but you have trouble pinpointing exactly what it was.
The most effective way of being sure to listen to your intuition is simply by getting to know yourself. When you know and understand yourself, you also trust yourself.
Your Brain Tries to Protect You from the Trauma
It’s an understatement to say that the brain is a fortress. It’s also a buffer, of sorts. At least, in some infidelity situations.
What I mean by this is that your brain is capable of serving as a barrier protecting you from information overload. The information overload would be acknowledging your partner’s infidelity.
This is also where the term denial comes into play.
In short, a betrayal is traumatic. If your brain senses that the information is too traumatic, it will set up a barrier of denial to block out the hurtful information until you’re ready to deal with it.
Betrayal Blindness Keeps the Relationship “As Is”
Another common reason that women pretend not to know their partners are cheating on them is out of necessity.
Many women depend on their partners for financial support. He’s the breadwinner. Without his financial contribution, your lifestyle and family could be at stake.
If your relationship has stood the test of time up until recently, infidelity might be even more of a hardship for you. After all, you have an established life together. Facing the possibility of that life-ending might be crushing.
It’s only natural to want your marriage and life to progress. Many women, upon hearing of their partner’s infidelity, wish to go back to the ways things were before knowing.
Low Self-esteem has a High Tolerance for Cheating
It likely comes as no surprise that low self-esteem and having a high tolerance for infidelity go hand in hand.
Women who don’t feel like they deserve any better than a cheating partner might not even raise a fuss about him cheating.
In fact, you might simply ignore it altogether. This is not to say that you don’t know. It’s that you don’t think you have the right to require faithfulness from your partner.
In short, you might not hold yourself as valuable enough in your own eyes.
A cheating partner might even sense your self-degradation and push it to the limits. He might feed into your low levels of self-esteem simply to get away with cheating.
You might even get to the point where you think you’ve earned it or you deserve the unfair treatment.
If you’re struggling with infidelity in your own marriage then please reach out to me. I would be happy to offer you support and help you navigate through any complicated emotions you might be experiencing.