An intimate relationship is well-known for offering support, love, comfort, and a vast array of positivity.

But it offers conflict, too.

It’s true that there isn’t a relationship existing today that is 100% free of conflict. When two unique people intertwine their lives in such an intimate way, differences are bound to clash. Although a dark shadow is often cast on the notion of conflict, fighting, and arguing within a romance, it’s not all bad. In fact, when you fight fair, you can support, love, and comfort each other. Here’s how to do it.

Get Your Timing Right

One element of arguing that most people get wrong is timing. It’s only natural to want to duke it out when you feel the conflict the strongest. In other words, it’s natural to want to fight when you’re angry.

Rather than following this instinctive behavior, try approaching your conflict when there are two willing participants. This means that both of you need to be in a condition to talk. Avoid fighting when one of you is overly tired or hungry, under the influence of alcohol, or simply unable to handle the stress of the conflict.

Also, it’s important not to catch your partner off guard like when they’re in the middle of cooking dinner or brushing their teeth. Put the conflict on hold for a while. Dedicate a time and a place to continue the argument instead of arguing on-the-go.

Keep Your Blinders On

Anger can cause you to recall other conflicting moments in which you also felt angry. It can be tempting to name them one by one in the middle of your current conflict. It’s almost like keeping a running list of unrelated offenses against your partner only to spout them all off during one argument.

Fighting fair means staying focused on the conflict at hand. Imagine a racehorse wearing blinders. Even for such a powerful steed to reach the end of the race, he has to remain focused on the goal. Simply being a great athlete isn’t going to get him there.

In short, harness your relationship’s true potential. Avoid being sidetracked by all the annoyances of minor offenses. Bridle your angry tongue. Your goal is to come to a peaceful and productive resolution. So, keep your eye on that goal.

Communicate Your Feelings Honestly

It can be incredibly tempting to play the blame game. After all, you probably feel uncomfortable admitting a mistake or even a character imperfection. Most people do.

To come to a resolution, it’s important to state exactly how you’re feeling and why you feel that way. This doesn’t mean to tell your spouse that you’re angry because you think they’re a jerk. Rather, explain that you feel a certain emotion because of a particular behavior displayed by your partner.

Avoid covering up the real issue with minor details, too. For instance, don’t fight about how bland the green beans are when you’re actually feeling pressured with domestic chores. A good way to guarantee effective communication is by practicing active listening or paraphrasing what you’re partner says.

Brush Off the Dust For a Strong Couple

As mentioned before, most people throw the idea of arguing and fighting under a dark shadow. Although conflict isn’t the most enjoyable part of a relationship, it’s often the element that supports the most growth for you as a couple.

The best thing about an argument is what you can gain from it. Once you’ve each heard the other’s grievances and committed to changing a certain behavior, stick with it. An argument is a perfect time to extract information about the other partner so that you learn what they need from you and also get a better grasp on their perspective.

If your fights are erupting like a volcano within your relationship then please contact me. Together we can empower you to maintain that special connection while effectively managing the conflict you face in your relationship.