The feeling of having an affair can be invigorating.
Connecting with another person who makes you feel loved or appreciated may give rise to the idea that you can have a better life with them than the life you share with your current partner.
But, before you embark on this journey of divorcing your spouse and marrying your affair partner, take a step back. There are likely things you’re blinded to because of the nature of your situation. Here’s what you need to know before you take this leap.
Consider the Cracked Foundation
An obvious foundation of marriage is trust and loyalty. While your current marriage’s infrastructure is likely crumbling, that doesn’t mean marrying your affair partner will create a more stable foundation.
In fact, brick by brick, the foundation of your new marriage is not at all unlike the crumbling one in your current marriage.
Having an affair not only creates the foundational cracks of betrayal and lies in your current marriage but also in a future marriage to your affair partner. Healing might be possible for your current marriage, but it’s uncommon for a new foundation to transform from broken to whole when it’s never been whole to start with.
The Disappointing See-Saw Of Sacrifice
Divorcing your current partner and marrying your affair partner can drain you both emotionally and financially. Once the whole ordeal is over, there might exist a disappointing letdown.
One partner might feel that to be together, they had to sacrifice so much more than their new partner.
And further still, you might believe that the greater the sacrifice the more amazing your new marriage will be. Basically, the fight excites you and you enjoy the feeling of fighting for your love.
But, when the humdrum of everyday life hits your new marriage, as it always does, you might feel disappointed. In short, life during the affair can offer a level of excitement that a marriage to your affair partner cannot.
Loneliness Might Rule the Day
It’s not uncommon for those involved in an affair to isolate themselves. After all, most people will tell you that it’s wrong or offer some other bit of advice to break you apart. And, you likely don’t want to hear it. To avoid judgment, you may choose to withdraw from your relationships.
When you try to reconnect with those old friendships after marrying your affair partner, they might not be so forgiving. In essence, you might have been trying to protect yourself but were really just hurting others.
When you aren’t welcomed with forgiving arms, marriage to your affair partner might seem lonely. Leaning solely on your new partner might not be what you thought it would.
The Roadblock to Starting Over
Second marriages have a much higher failure rate than first marriages. And, for many reasons.
When it comes to marrying your affair partner, the reason for conflict typically revolves around jealousy and insecurity. Often, these feelings can become unmanageable and douse your smoldering flame within the first two years.
To break it down, having an affair ultimately means not being able to establish a normal romance. You can’t set expectations and learn from your past relationships because you’re essentially still in the “past” relationship aka your current marriage.
Hearing anything good about that relationship can quickly foster feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Even after you marry your affair partner, your ex is frequently off-limits. As you can imagine, this can prove to be discouraging and even lonely.
If you’re having a hard time making a decision on what to do with your marriage and your affair partner then please contact me.