How Women Can Exude Self-Confidence
“I can’t make a holiday dinner, it won’t come out right.” “If I try to throw a party, no one will come.” “There’s no way I can ask for a promotion (or raise), they won’t think I’m good enough.” “I can’t wear that, I’ll get stared at for the wrong reasons.”
Why do women make so many self-disparaging remarks? Why do woman point out their flaws before anyone else can see them? Why do so many women have poor self-confidence?
From the Surface
If a woman is unaware that she feels badly about herself, it’s more likely to resonate throughout her conversation. Whether she’s been marginalized by the men in her life, or has received little positive feedback from friends and family, or has low self-esteem due to unsatisfying experiences in the workplace, a woman with poor self-esteem will signal her self-dissatisfaction verbally. Unfortunately, statements acknowledging self-doubt and lack of confidence are an indirect plea for help that usually goes unanswered. Awareness of how she feels about herself – and why – is the first step towards regaining confidence. Once a woman gains self knowledge, she can take active steps toward fulfilling her potential.
It’s Always There
Women with low self-esteem enter into conversations pre-programmed to fail to get their needs met. When meeting someone that triggers you to feel under confident, turn the need to publicly trample on your self-image into a desire to learn and grow. When meeting someone whose accomplishments you admire, allow your admiration to shine through rather than your negative self-image. Become curious. Use the energy normally reserved for self-pity toward gaining a fuller understanding of what it took for her to achieve her goal. You will feel good about your pursuit of knowledge and begin the first small step toward stronger self-admiration.
It’s How You Appear
Who do you know that’s confident? Picture them…how do they stand? Not with their head down or gaze averted. They look you in the eye. Their posture is upright. They appear to own the ground they stand on. Practice this in the mirror – head up, shoulders back, feet slightly apart and hands relaxed, natural. A confident look is an unselfconscious stance.
From Deep Within
Somewhere in the unexplored unconscious, women have an image of their ideal self. If they are unaware of it, they cannot attain it. If they don’t explore their ideal self-image, they lose the opportunity to modify it to become achievable. Confidence is directly related to how close a woman comes to obtaining that ideal self-image in her life.
Many women’s ideal self can be quite impossible – the perfect marriage to the hot, high-level executive who is romantic and a father to two perfectly behaved and adorable children. She must also have a high-level job in which she has cracked the ceiling, become CEO and earns six figures. And she has 6 close friends who she can confide in, etc.
Let it Resonate
Instead of telling someone what you could never do, keep asking questions to learn the steps to achieved a goal, and focus on what you can do to create your own success. Then, when you are able to let go of self-doubt, stand tall and accept that confidence is your birthright.